


Fractured Reality

by GunbladeWitch



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, Denial, Fix-It of Sorts, Garlemald (Final Fantasy XIV), Gen, I scream into the void as I try to reconcile his characterization, POV First Person, The Sorrow of Werlyt Questline (Final Fantasy XIV), The Sorrow of Werlyt Questline (Final Fantasy XIV) Spoilers, why did you do him like that SE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:40:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28766466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GunbladeWitch/pseuds/GunbladeWitch
Summary: ( post- 5.4 Werlyt) Gaius van Baelsar has to come to terms with several harsh truths about Garlemald and himself.
Kudos: 8





	Fractured Reality

**Author's Note:**

> I am still shocked by the 180 Gaius's character did in the 5.4 Werlyt. I had to do something, so I wrote this trying to reconcile that quest with how he was portrayed through the game in the past by touching the subjects of denial and self-righteousness. Also, I suck at titles.
> 
> Thanks to Neila_Nuruodo for the beta.

Allie and Severa’s words echo in my head once again as my thoughts circle through the same moment, over and over. To think that Varro would do this… That was depraved by all standards. How did this man even rise this high in the ranks of the Garlean military? Surely someone must have noticed the dangers that came with giving him power! Instead he was allowed to create yet another monstrosity that should not have been allowed to exist. Unfortunately, the answer to that, along with many other things, seems to have died alongside His Radiance… At the end of the day, the facts still remained. The danger was looming right behind me, and my mistakes had spawned something terrifying.

How could I have missed all of this? Or have I not actually? Fractured memories go through my head as I try to find a justification, but the further I search, the louder a thought at the back of my head becomes, bringing back the pieces to the set that have been cast aside years ago. The horrors of the Empire… They have been there all along. Whether in my sight or right around the corner or within my own vicinity, they needed but a slight movement of hand to be unearthed and reveal all the ugly truths. What truly was missing is my acknowledgement.

For so long, life has been dashing from one point to another. Accomplishing what I was set out to, moving on to newer horizons. The conquest of city states, the campaign in Eorzea… These were the priorities with clear plans to achieve them. Everything else existed to either make a part of said plans or set aside for another day. All was for the glory of Garlemald, its Emperor and myself as one of its enforcers. Until the day everything went up in flames.

I refused to fall victim to Lahabrea’s schemes, so I chose to live and swear revenge on the Ascians as one last goal. Live just long enough to see the last one of them put to the sword and let my life be taken afterwards. I did not realize that even that plan was bound to get sidetracked, and yet that was exactly what happened. The further I went to fix my mistakes, the further I realized that all I used, believed in, or trusted no longer worked to resolve anything… Instead I only saw things I could no longer control. My own beliefs that I thought to be infallible now echoed as something monstrous within my own children. And they just had to sacrifice themselves… For this. The sheer cruelty of it.

In the end, all I see is ruin. The world that I dedicated my life to, that I drove my people toward, that I laid down everything both in and around me no longer exists in front of my eyes. It never did in reality. But without it, for the first time in many years, I feel lost. The Black Wolf indeed died at Castrum Meridianum, just as I once told the Warrior of Light. A figurative saying originally meant to defuse the situation is now the ugly truth.

There are times when I wonder how everything might have been different if I never took up Lahabrea’s offer. Would I have succeeded in conquering Eorzea? Would I continue serving the Empire and know no questions, doubt or remorse? Perhaps things would have been much simpler. But as I try to remember, my comfort is shattered once again by the reality that is. The road that I claimed would lead to peace and security caused suffering and destruction instead. The Empire that was meant to bring order to the world turned to chaos. And the rule imposed on the Werlyt, Ala Mhigo and other lands failed them. All of my promises became twisted from the inside as I willingly ignored all of these things, believing myself and Garlemald to be infallible… My pride became the undoing of everything.

I thought sacrifices to be unavoidable for a greater cause, that one has to give something small to achieve something greater, but now I see that the small things are what make the cause. And the promise of a world’s salvation was built on the idea of sacrifice of those who believe in it, not unlike the eikons it aims to eradicate. A memory of what Allie said earlier today once again resurfaces, such loyalty and conviction in her words. The conviction that I so encouraged in all of her siblings, to serve a part of something greater. The same one that set them on this path.

And I see now that it wasn’t just them. They were not the first or the last. The people that followed me, the lands conquered, even its own people, all parts of a machine that feed its existence. The Empire’s entire system was built upon the bodies of the people who serve it. Be it mundane things, common soldiers or the people of power… All get cast aside once they outlive their usefulness. In the end, nobody comes out victorious. And I am no different, but another one in the long line of discarded instruments...

No. This cannot be. Despite all, I refuse to let it end like this. The wars, the lies and deceit… This can’t all have been for nothing. I cannot allow it. No matter what the grand design was, I refuse the idea of being cast aside as yet another broken instrument in the line of many. I still have a part to play, whatever it may be.


End file.
